The Tattoo Company

Whelp! Today I went to The Tattoo Company. 


It was so lax, I didn't know what to do with myself. I read a little bit, drew up a couple things. Not too much, but I kept myself occupied. I got to see some guy getting tribal to cover up a pretty horrible volley ball tramp stamp. That was fun. Drew Mickey Mouse and Charlie Brown fighting... 


Yup! 


That book I was reading. It's been making me think -- which a good book should always do, right? 
I have some personal things that I think I want to write out because of it. They won't be on here, though. Sorry! ):


Speaking of writing, I have some project ideas that I'd really like to get to work on.... 
Thooose will most likely be placed on here, without a doubt. Mhm~.

Well, well, well~. 


I know this was short, but aside from those few things, being so much more in love each day, and feeling pretty damn happy? I've got nothin'. I'll strive to have more to say next time!


I hope you've enjoyed this glimpse

just beyond the grey!

Blessed be. 

Humbly, 

Shannon Grey

P.S. My tummy dislikes eating lately. I really need to get a handle on that.    

Working Lady

Sure is hard being a working lady~.


Whelp, I haven't posted in a couple of days. Sorry about that, guys. Have you missed me much? What've I been up to... Not much, I guess. I've been working on that t-shirt design that I mentioned, sleeping... I had my first bad day at work today! That was fun. I walked part of the way home to blow off some steam. Felt good, save for the fact that the sun is blazing full-on today. 


Steven and I went to McDonald's yesterday. We probably sat there for an hour, talking about schools, human perception, and working in the food industry. I mostly listened. Not because he was hogging the conversation or anything, but because I just don't talk much. I wonder if that ever bothers him? He's such a talkative person and I'm so clammed up all of the time. I'm such an introvert when it comes down to it. A friend of mine back in Texas used to yell at me for it, actually.


He'll probably assure me that it doesn't bother him soon as he reads this. Because I'm a dork and I always think I'm annoying people when I'm really not, haha. My own worst critic. 


I do love talking to people, meeting new people, and working with them, despite my inward tendencies. I suppose that's why I was so bothered at work today. A quiet little voice in the back of my mind has probably been setting me up for this bad day, too, to be honest. See, each day, I go in with a smile and I plan on working the hardest that I can. Then, I do. Then, I come home. I'm tired and I feel so... unfulfilled. I know part of being an adult is doing things that you don't want to do, but this runs a little deeper than that.


I wish I were in school. 


I dove into college, praying I would figure out what I wanted to do with myself by the time I'd finished my AA. Then, everything went wrong, and now I can only hope I can get back into courses by Fall. That's the biggest reason I wanted a job. I wanted to save up money so I wouldn't be so dependent on loans and the like, you know? But, this job that I have, because of my own weakness, just isn't enough. It pays for gas, it takes care of my immediate needs, and lets me have a little spending cash on the side, but once it's all divvied out... Well, you tell me how much 80$ will get you in the long run. 


I'm so much better off than a lot of people and here I am, whining like a baby about how work just ins't fulfilling my wildest dreams. Fck, that's pathetic, isn't it? It's an off day. I swear I don't do this often. In fact, I've been so incredibly happy lately. This is literally one of those few between moments where I feel... bothered, I guess. 


What am I going to do when Summer rolls around? What if I don't get back into courses?


Money is a terrifying thing. I feel so trapped whenever I think about it. If I could get rid of my loans, erase them and start over, I'd feel so much better, I think. It's a small amount -- right now -- but it's still well over what I'd make in 3 months. Add some interest in there -- and if I get back into courses? I'm only pushing them back a little while. They'll only pile up in the end. 


I am so incredibly disappointed in myself for letting life get in the way of my first semester. I don't think I'll ever let myself live it down. School is so important to me. If I could swing being a substitute teacher? Sweetheart, believe me when I say: I'd take it in a heartbeat. To work with others, to watch and help people learn... Grief, I couldn't even do that, could I? The school system here is so completely fcked. What are they even doing in classrooms nowadays? Last time I volunteered at an elementary school, I wanted to kick a wall.


I turn around and I can see Steven napping, his legs pulled up like a pretzel, his arms sprawled about his head as he snores quietly. He's my rock, as the metaphor goes. I can look at him and smile and feel confident again. He -- and almost everyone I know -- believes in me. He knows that I can do good, no matter what curve ball is tossed my way. I have so many people that have all the world's faith in me. I can't believe I let myself forget that sometimes.


I showed that tattoo artist my work I've been doing for Geared to Oblivion. He says he's dying to get me into his shop and make a tattooist out of me. Says I could make some great money. Is it so horrible that I want to ditch everything and run there? Not for the money or for the praise, but because I honestly, really want to do it? I want to be a tattoo artist so badly, it drives me nuts sometimes. These negative voices tell me that I can't do it, that I'm not good enough, but dammit, why? Why am I not good enough? Everyone says that I am except for thos bloody voices, my insecurities.


I still want to be a writer, first and foremost. Being a tattoo artist would be so convenient. It would be the job that feeds my career, but it wouldn't have to be boring or unenjoyable. Not at all. I think I'd be 100% smiles, to be honest. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time believing that it could work out? 


Alright, alright. Comment away, my friends. Have some words of wisdom? Share them, please~.


I hope you've enjoyed this excursion

just beyond the grey.

Until next time~. 
Blessed be!

Humbly,            

Shannon Grey

P.S. I want to cook something, just for the sake of cooking. Maybe bake something from scratch? Cookies? ):

Something Blue

Something old, 
Something new;
Something borrowed, 
And something blue~.


You know. I've been thinking about something. 
I look at television nowadays and there seems to be a "reality" show for just about everything out there. A lot of them can be pretty disturbing, too! But the ones that stick in my mind the most are the ones about marriage. There are women trying to find the perfect dress or the perfect venue, women battling it out for some lofty honeymoon, women torturing their to-be-husbands because they're "bridezillas" and that's supposed to make it okay. they're just stressed, right? Tch... 


I feel like marriage has lost all meaning to a good percentage of the people that want/have it, to be honest. Maybe it has. Television makes me think so. People in general make me think so. Is it really as bad as it looks? I don't want to believe it. The romantic inside of me is screaming no. 

mar·riage/ˈmarij/

Noun:

The formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife. A relationship between married people or the period for which it lasts.

Alright, so that's the first definition that popped up. Aside from wanting to alter that 'man and woman' bit, that's the gist of the idea, I'd have to agree. But what is marriage? What's its purpose? Somewhere along the way, it seems like it turned into one big pageant or even a cockfight between brides. "Mine's bigger!" Know what I mean? -- And what the fck is with this "bling" crap? -- Don't let me get sidetracked on that. 

What is marriage to you? 

Marriage, to me, is a celebration of love. Let it be between whomever and whatever, I really don't care right now. Anything seems better than the idea of someone putting what should be a down payment on a house into a wedding gown -- then buying a second one for just as much, just so they can have something different on for their smoke-filled, neon-lit gyrate-session of an after party. Adkgnfsoihngf! It irks me so much, yet I can't stop staring at the television when these things come on. I think it's the same effect as a horrid car crash. It's terrifying, but you're consumed by the grotesque imagery, in disbelief and awe. It's not that intense, really, though it's close enough.

I could probably say all of this ten times more eloquently if not for the fact that it's almost 3 a.m...

When I get married, I want it to be small. We'll do the legal work, then we'll find a little spot -- maybe a park or someone's back yard? maybe a little villa with a wide fountain? -- and we'll set up something simple. Some chairs, maybe some flower petals, some candle fixtures... I don't know, the decor honestly won't matter. My dress will be modest, my makeup will be minimal. I'll probably make the invitations with my to-be, by hand or on the computer. Whichever. There'll probably be 10 people there, split evenly between us, give or take a couple.

When it's all done, I'd like to have those ten come back to our place, where I'd probably cook up a nice little dinner. I'd probably get talked into accepting some help, which I wouldn't mind at all. Then we would all sit around the table, the couch, wherever we fit, and talk until our cheeks turned blue. Our guests would go home, and we would finish the evening alone. No phone calls, no internet. Just each other -- and the leftover dishes, haha!

That said, it may not even turn out that way. Maybe my to-be will want something a little bigger. Maybe I'll change my mind about some things. So long as the idea behind it all stays the same, I'll be completely happy. You can be loud, you can proclaim your love from the rooftops and the squares below, but in the end, if you're truly in love, all you'll see is each other, right? That's what's important to me. I want my marriage to be a celebration of our union. Not our wallets, not our achievements. Us. Our love. When I look into my to-be's eyes, I'll see myself there, no thing or no one else -- and they, themselves in mine.  

Sigh~! I miss Steven, haha.

I am totally allowed to think of my boyfriend after something this gushy. Don't look at me like that, damn it!

Welp, I hope you've enjoyed this excursion

just beyond the grey.

I can't wait for next time! 

Blessed be, my friends.

Humbly,                 

Shannon Grey

P.S. Know what spurred this? I totally forgot to mention it in my sleepy little rush. Steven's parents. They're not exactly the cuddly type, but last night, when I went down to ask them something, they were watching television. Holding hands and talking to each other, quietly, their voices disappearing beneath the hum of Auction Wars. Not in a whispering kind of way, but just a gentle, comfortable air had come over them. It was special, you know? Plucked my heart strings, anyway. haha

On My Toes

The wind propped me up onto my toes.


I spun, pulling my arms to my chest, and danced on the currents, barely touching the grass beneath me. It continued to push forward on my upper half. I followed it, my movements fluid and quick. I lifted my legs up as if assisted and my palms touched the earth. I flipped, landing on the pads of my feet. My speed picked up. I spun, I rolled. I braced my elbows at my sides and finally came to a stop, a smile lighting up my face, the wind tossing my hair over my cheekbones in an affectionate goodbye. Then, as that world blinked out, I awoke in my bed once more...


I have dreams about flying -- no, gliding is a more appropriate word. I have dreams about moving with the wind, never lifting much higher than 12 feet and with little control. The wind will pick me up like a kite and I follow it in whichever direction it pleases. Then, there are those few moments, where I feel like I'm in control, just a little bit. I'll want to go higher and I move my arms like a bird. It's shaky and the anxiety that I feel -- What if I fall? What if the wind stops? -- is very real in my heart. Or I'll turn my body because I've gone too far from my initial spot, wishing to return, and it seems as though the wind obliges, changing directions for me.
The dreams that I have never really contain much premise. There was one a long while ago where I was trying to escape from somewhere. There were walls of heavy metal chains. I couldn't climb them but I knew more than anything that I needed to be on the other side. The wind saved me, gracefully lifting me over them. It carried me through and above trees, then deposited me among foothills. People were chasing me, firing guns in my direction, when the wind lifted me once more. I never went very far, but I knew I was safe. The more I think about it, it's almost like the wind was teasing the people who were after me. It would drop me, they'd find me, think they had me, then I would disappear again, all at a leisurely pace.   
The skies were a soft red in that dream. The trees were ash grey... The more I think about it now, the more it reminds me of my old driveway back in Texas, when I lived in Kilgore. The dream that I had this morning was set in an open field with trees and brush scattered throughout. The sky was a peach color and the clouds were white with a tint of blue. When it started, I was helping a group of people hold down a giant balloon. They tried to get it to catch on the wind, but it just wouldn't fly. Then, as if to tease them all, the wind lifted me. From there, the dream transitioned and the people disappeared. It was just me, gliding, being rolled around like a die in the sky's playful hand. When the world of the waking called on me, it was time to land. The people were back but the balloon was gone and I think I laughed, a sound that was light and cheery.


I don't exactly want to fly, but when I have these dreams, I wish I could do this. I wish I could play with the wind, be a sylph for a day. It's inspiring. I always wake up feeling fresh and excited. Inspired, even. That's why I had to write about them this morning. I wonder if these dreams have any meaning. Maybe not like Freud's idea of meaning, but a more personal meaning. I've always loved the sky and that seems to be one of the big details in these dreams. It's always a different color and almost paints the mood. Trees -- who doesn't love trees? Don't tell me you don't love trees, you blasphemers out there. I know you want to. Trees don't like you either. Go away. The wind is like a friend to me and I always feel this deep-rooted connection with it.
In fact, back when I had my old blog, I wrote about a time when I found peace within myself: I was in Kilgore -- like that dream with the red sky -- and things were beyond hard for me. I was exhausted and I had just been cleaning out an old RV for my aunt's boyfriend. It was one of those few moments where I could sit back and breathe, when I knew she wouldn't call me inside for whatever reason. At first I was uneasy with the idea of relaxing. I hadn't done it in a year. Then, something inside of me clicked -- and a cool breeze swept over the yard. I took a deep breathe in... and felt good for the first time in such a painfully long time.
I don't know what it is about the wind, but I've always loved it. When I was a kid, I would go outside and lay on the porch, staring at the sky, listening to the doves on the power lines, cars driving by, planes flying over, people talking. I would sing into it, talk to it, send my worries away on it, or messages to others. I knew they'd never get them, but I did it anyway. The sky has always been important to me too. I remember when I first moved away, the thing that I missed the most was the sky. Where I lived, there was pollution in the air, so thick that it distorted how the sky looked. When I got back to Florida, that was the first thing I looked to. I take pictures of it all the time, actually, haha. Especially in the Winter.


Maybe I'll post some pictures on here, occasionally. 


Speaking of which! I need to get to work on some designs for Geared to Oblivion! They're an up and coming band with a great personality. They don't have anything recorded right now, but you should totally keep an eye on them. (:


I hope you've enjoyed this excursion

just beyond the grey.

Can't wait to see you next time!

Blessed be.

Humbly, 

Shannon Grey